So, I’ve been watching Masterchef regularly, as I did last season. I’m interested to see what they’re cooking and blah blah blah. Anyway, they had a challenge, to cook a family dinner for a ‘random’ supermarket chosen family.

Now, considering the families all had spotless houses and various other pretty-ing up bits that led me to believe it was all a load of crap, I ended up screaming at the TV a lot.

You know? When you’re cooking for kids, you don’t get to piss around making the kidlets wait for their meal. Also, cooking a family meal while someone else keeps the kids out from under your feet? Jesus, but I’d love to get that happening around here. Instead the children screech at me from one side of the bench while I juggle hot pans and plates on the other side, well lets just say, cooking in a full tilt commercial kitchen is less stressful than cooking for small children while they screech at you.

Give me an angry chef anyday. Much prefer that to a tantrumming toddler.

Yes. Yes I would.

I thought about it some more and would love to imagine a Masterchef team cooking in my tiny galley kitchen. It’s barely big enough for one person, let along eight of them. And we’ll not mention I would fucking love to see them cook gluten free for a night. Seriously, I would. It’s not that hard, but gosh, it would stretch their resources to have to avoid all wheat and a lot of easy options. No bread, no croutons, no noodles.

It would be interesting, to say the least.

However, the good thing about cooking gluten free, aside from learning to read every single label on food, is that everything really needs to be home cooked, from fresh and simple ingredients. Something I am great at now. It gives a whole new meaning to ‘snacks’ when you can’t just give bread and jam, or sandwiches to tide them over.

Anyway – that’s just me. I’d like to see the masterchef contestants stretched out of their comfort zone a little more.

Plus, I thought while I was complaining about gluten free food and mainstream food shows that I’d share my recipe for Gluten Free Chocolate Cake, which is pretty good.

Gluten Free Chocolate Cake:

Separate 3 eggs, free range is good. I’ve got chooks, so I get eggs from them and I know that they’re happy healthy eggs from healthy chooks. How I know they’re healthy? Well, they’ve pecked all my seedlings of kale to pieces, so they’ve GOT to be healthy, right? Plus, the shells are so hard that cracking them is difficult and my yolks are a lovely bright orange.

Pop the yolks into your mixing bowl with a half a cup of sugar. Leave to beat until they’re thick and lucious looking.

While they’re beating, beat your egg whites until soft peaks form and then add 3-4 teaspoons of sugar and beat until dissolved.

Then melt 200g of dark chocolate with 150ml of cream and 2 tablespoons of butter.

To the thick egg yolk and sugar mix add a cup of almond meal, or hazelnut meal, depending on your taste and the contents of your cupboard. Mix in slowly. Add the melted chocolate mixture to the egg yolks and mix in gently. Add 3/4 of a cup of apple sauce as well. When combined, add gluten free self raising flour until the batter looks thick and creamy.

Yes, I do cook by feel more than by measurements. It generally works out to be about 3/4 of a cup of gluten free flour. I use the Orgran brand and love it, it works well. Almost as well as wheat flour.

Once the batter looks all batter-y and cake like, fold the egg whites into it carefully. Pop it into a well greased 20cm round cake pan. I line the bottom with baking paper as well, but that’s because I don’t have a fan forced oven.

Cook at 160C for around 50-60 minutes, or until the cake bounces back when pressed in the middle. Leave to cool in the pan for 15 minutes, before turning out onto a cooling rack. When cool, ice. I used lemon icing and it was delicious.

Ingredients:

3 eggs, separated
1/2 cup of sugar plus an extra 3-4 teaspoons
1 cup of almond or hazelnut meal
200g of cooking chocolate
150ml of cream
2 tablespoons of butter
3/4 cup of apple sauce
3/4 cup of gluten free self raising flour – more or less, depending on how runny your applesauce is. Mine was home made and thick, so I didn’t need as much flour.

Separate the eggs and beat the yolks with the sugar until they’re thick and creamy. While they’re beating, whisk the egg whites to soft peaks and then add 3-4 teaspoons of sugar. Whisk until the sugar dissolves.

Melt the chocolate with the cream and butter and set aside to cool a little.

When the yolks are creamy and thick, add the almond meal and then the cooled chocolate mixture and apple sauce. Mix gently.

Add the gluten free SR flour and combine. When it looks like cake batter, nice and thick (you may need to add more flour), fold in the egg whites and place the entire mix into a greased and lined 20cm cake pan.

Cook at 160C for 50-60 minutes.

Enjoy!

Yesterday was a cupcake sort of day. I probably didn’t think it through all too well as I ended up with chocolate crumbs all over the house and sticky finger prints on the wall, but whatever, we had fun.

These are easy, and can be made all in one pot. They’re not the prettiest cupcakes though, but I can forgive that as they tasted like tiny mud cakes. I didn’t cook them in paper cases as somone (Amy) had used my paper cases last week to ‘snow’ all over the house. Yay me.

Ingredients:

125g (4.5 oz) of butter
100g  (3.5oz) dark eating chocolate (I used cheap cooking chocolate, because it’s 2 days before payday and that’s what I had in the cupboard. They tasted FINE.)
3/4 cup milk
3/4 cup caster sugar (I used Raw Sugar, because again, that’s what I had)
1 cup of GF self raising flour
1/2 GF plain flour
2 TB of cocoa powder (I think I used more.)

NOTE: I like the Orgran Brand gluten free flours, it cooks well AND it’s not deathly expensive.

Preheat the oven to 150C/130C for a fan forced oven (300F/260F fan forced) . Line your muffin pan with paper cases, or if you’re like me, don’t.

Stir the butter, chocolate, sugar, milk and cocoa powder in a medium pot over a low heat until everything is melted. Set aside for 10 minutes or so until it’s cooled a bit. I *may* have left mine for closer to 20, as I checked emails and dealt with small screaming grabby children. It was fine when I came back to it.

Mix in the flours until it’s just mixed and then divide into your cases. Remember to grease your muffin pan if you’re cheating like me and not using paper cases. That’s an important bit.

Bake for 35 minutes or so. Leave in the pan for 10 minutes, or however long it takes you to chase the chocolate covered children around the house and wrestle them to the bathroom. (they were licking the bowl)

Let cool on a wire tray.

Ice them.

Now, the recipe I’m using has a lovely icing mix, but I didn’t use it. Instead I melted 2 tablespoons of butter with a tablespoon of milk. Then I added some cocoa (how much? I don’t know – some) and pure icing sugar. I mixed it all together and then, when it tasted like I might have accidentally caramelised it, I added sour cream as well.

Remarkably, it was delicious. In fact, I’m going to petition for sour cream to be added to all sweets from here on in. If we’re going to eat sweet fattening food, we may as well do it right.

Right?

Right.

Rich Chocolate Mousse

This is my favourite recipe for chocolate mousse. Maybe because I experimented and came up with it myself? It is also very very simple.

Ingredients-

600ml thickened cream
250g dark chocolate
1 tbsp of kahlua or similar (if you like)

Method-

Whip 540ml of the cream along with the kahlua (if using). Set aside.

Melt the chocolate either in the microwave or in a double boiler on the stove. If you use the microwave, zap it in 30 second bursts stirring in between.

Once the chocolate is melted*, add the final 60ml of cream that you didn’t whip to it. Stir through.

Gently stir the chocolate mix through the whipped cream.

Spoon into small bowls or a large serving dish. If you aren’t going to serve it immediately, refridgerate it.

I have found that this recipe makes 6 serves. It is very rich, so you don’t need a large amount.

* If your melted chocolate seizes (goes hard and a little crumbly, rather than a sauce-like consistency) add cream and stir.
Chocolate will seize if water (steam) gets into it when it is melting. If the cream doesn’t fix it immediately, heat it again and add a little more cream, stirring until it is runny. The cream will fix seized chocolate.

1/2 cup of butter
1/3 cup sugar
1/3 cup brown sugar (I didn’t have either white sugar or brown, so I used 2/3 cup of raw sugar and it worked fine)
1/2 tspn vanilla essence
1 egg, beaten
1 2/3 cups self raising flour
1/2 cup chocolate chips.

Method:

Grease 2 oven trays and preheat oven to 180C (350F)

Cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy, gradually add the beaten egg and continue beating. Add the vanilla, chocolate chips and cocoa. Mix to combine.

Add the flour a little (or, if you are lazy like me, a lot) at a time. Continue mixing until everything is combined.

Shape teaspoonfulls of mix into balls and place on tray. Leave enough room for spreading and no, they don’t need squashing prior to going in the oven.

Bake for 10-12 minutes. They will still be soft when you pull them out of the oven, don’t worry, they harden up once they start to cool. Eating them still warm is half the fun though.

If you want to make them even more chocolately, add 2 tablespoons of good quality cocoa powder to the creamed butter, sugar and egg shortly before adding the flour. It makes them delicous.

Again, another recipe that you can get the kids to help with. Be warned though, making the balls is incredibly messy. I tend to use rubber gloves for this recipe, although the kids will probably love eating it off their fingers.

Ingredients:

1 cup of condensed milk
2 cups of biscuit crumbs
1 cup of coconut
2 tablespoons of cocoa
1 teaspoon of rum essence (optional)

Method:

Place all the ingredients together in a large bowl. Mix well and roll into balls. Roll in extra coconut.

Chill.

Now honestly, how easy is that? Messy yes, but very very easy.

You could make a whole heap of these a few days before Christmas, wrap them in cellophane or tissue paper and give them to people for Christmas gifts.

Super Indulgent Chocoholic Shake

3 tbsn chocolate fudge topping
500ml (16 fl oz) chilled chocolate milk
125ml (4 fl oz) cream
6 scoops rich chocolate ice cream

Put all ingredients into a blender and whizz until blended. Serve in chilled tall glasses.

Peach Nectar Spider Fluff

600ml (20 fl oz) peach nectar
600ml soda water
4 scoops vanilla icecream
1 peach, sliced

Mix the peach nectar and soda in a jug and divide among 4 glasses. Float a scoop of icecream on the top of each drink and garnish with peach slices. Serve immediately.

Edit: Do NOT do what I just did and immediately poke the scoop of ice-cream further down the glass. Everything will fizz and you will end up covered in drink. Not pleasant.

On a side note, I now know just how anal I am. I couldn’t keep drinking while my sleeve (and bum and leg and arm) were wet. I had to stop and change and to finish it off, I WIPED my glass. I can’t seem to drink out of a glass that is dirty on the outside. Neither can I leave a spoon with food on it, the spoon needs to be licked completely clean. Nightmare when I was still spoonfeeding Amy.

Oh and I didn’y have any peach nectar, so I used mango nectar and it worked just as well. Mmmmm.

Apricot and Bran Breakfast Shake

100g (3 1/2 oz) dried apricots
1 tb oat bran
1 tb honey
2 tb apricot yogurts
600ml (20 fl oz) milk

Pour enough boiling water over the dried apricots to cover them. Leave them until they are plump and rehydrated, drain. Then, place all ingredients into a blender and whizz until thick and smooth.

Frozen Mandarin Margaritas

1 lime, cut into wedges
salt
ice
60ml (2 fl oz) tequila
60ml cointreau
2 tbsn sugar syrup**
80ml (2 3/4 fl oz) lime juice
125ml (4 fl oz) mandarin juice

Run the lime around the rim of each glass. Put the salt on a plate and turn the glasses upside down in the salt to coat the rims. Put the ice, tequila, cointreau, sugar syrup, lime juice, and mandarin juice in a blender and mix until smooth and pourable. Carefully pour into the glasses and serve immediately
**Sugar syrup – 1 cup sugar mixed with 125ml (4 fl oz) water. Boil together for 5 mins until slightly syrupy.

Mint Daze

1/2c sugar
3 tbsn water
80ml (2 3/4 fl oz) vodka
1/4 c fresh shredded mint leaves
1-2 tbsn lime juice
ice

Put the water and sugar in a pan and stir over low heat until melted. Leave to cool.
Mix together the vodka, mint and lime juice. Add sugar syrup to taste. Fill the glasses with ice and pour the drink over the top.
You can strain out the mint leaves before serving, but the flavour is stronger if they are left in.

…Choc-Coconut Slice (from a packet)

1. Buy choc-coconut slice mix from the supermarket. You can find them in the reduced section for $2. Don’t question too closely why it is reduced.

2. Decide that the chocolate cravings aren’t going away.

3. Convince yourself that cooking something will help warm you up. Unfold self from the chair and start hunting for mixing bowls.

4. Read the back of the packet mix for instructions. Ply Toddler off leg.

5. Wander around the kitchen searching for measuring spoons. Try not to trip over Toddler too often.

6. Search rest of house for measuring spoons. Remove Toddler from the stairs. Decide that the measuring spoons have disappeared into the void. Remove Toddler from stairs.

7. Use a normal spoon and guesstimate the amount of butter needed. Stop Toddler from climbing the pantry shelves.

8. Melt butter in microwave. Console Toddler because she dropped a can of spaghetti on her foot.

9. Mix butter, milk and packet stuff together. Taste. Think ‘it isn’t very coconutty’.

10. Spread the mixture into a pan that is too big for it. Only fill half of the pan and use baking paper to make sure that the mixture stays in the half designated for it. Shake Toddler off leg.

11. Go to put pan into oven. Realise that oven is full of clean trays, pans and accumulated junk.

12. Lose all your heat from the oven as you clear it out. Curse. Lots.

13. Dodge Toddler who is grabbing your legs and finally get pan into oven. Start thinking about the icing.

14. Mix together ingredients for icing. Pick Toddler up so she can see what you are doing. Put Toddler down so that you can start the electric mixer. Listen to Toddler scream.

15. Finish beating icing and notice a bag of coconut in the bottom of the (now empty) box. Sigh.

16. Assure yourself that you can mix the coconut through the icing and it will be just as good.

17. Share chocolate icing mixture with Toddler. Try not to think about the consequences for your actions. Swear that anyone else giving Toddler chocolate will feel your wrath.

18. Wait for slice to bake, hoping that the measurements were close enough and that the lack of the coconut won’t affect it. Share more icing with Toddler to get her to be quiet for just. one. minute.

19. Wait some more. Rescue Toddler from where she is trying to crawl into the (empty) washing machine.

20. Remove pan from oven. Burn yourself and swear. Lots. Thank the kind cooking Gods that you thought to use baking paper. Remove slice from pan.

21. Show Toddler slice. Comfort Toddler who gets angry when told that she can’t eat any yet. Wait for slice to cool.

22. Refrain from eating all the icing with a spoon while still waiting for slice to cool. Regret sharing icing with Toddler.

23. Decide that Toddler is most definitely tired and put her down for a nap.

24. Come back downstairs and ignore the shambles that is your house.

25. Ice slice while still slightly warm. Cut yourself a slice. Yummmmm

26. Write a blog post about it all.

***

Some of my oldest readers will recognise this from when I posted it a while back. Why YES! I am recycling some posts from my other blog. Don’t hate me here, you know you would do it too. Amy was a little younger (about 15 months) and there were LOTS of stairs.

Another recipe for chocolate mousse. This is a slightly more involved, but much lighter version.

Although, even though I said lighter, I meant airy light, not calorie light. Hehe.

Ingredients:

180g (6oz) of dark chocolate, broken into pieces
4 eggs – separated
1 tablespoon of Kahlua (optional)
300ml (1/2 pint) of thickened cream

Method:

Using a heatproof bowl, melt the chocolate over a pan of simmering water. Once melted, remove from heat and mix in egg yolks and Kahlua if using. Leave to cool slightly.

Whip the cream. Fold the chocolate mixture very gently into the whipped cream.

Making sure that your bowl and beaters are scrupulously clean, beat the egg whites until soft peaks form. Fold into the chocolate cream mix with a large metal spoon.

Spoon into individual containers and chill.

Serve with fresh fruit and a little extra whipped cream.

Ingredients:

1/4 cup of cocoa
3/4 cup of self raising flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup of oil
1/2 tsp of vanilla essence
1 egg
1/2 cup of pureed beetroot
1/2 cup of castor sugar

Method:

Preheat oven to 190C (375F).

Grease and line a round cake tin.

Place cocoa, flour, baking powder and sugar into a bowl.

In a separate bowl mix the egg, oil, beetroot and vanilla until combined. Slowly add the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients, mixing together until combined.

Place in tin and place in oven. Bake for 45 minutes or until cooked when tested with a skewer.

***

This cake uses 1/2 a cup of beetroot which makes it nicely rich and moist. To prepare the beetroot, grab a large fresh beet from the vegie market. Peel it and then boil it until soft. Once soft, you can puree or mash it to use in the cake.